Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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