So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
