Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Betty ford says i'm here all night
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
