like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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