i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
