She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
