You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize