I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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