I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
no, he came in my armpit
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
