would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
