I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
3pm strippers are depressing
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
