im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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