You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
