Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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