You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
