I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
