Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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