I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
