I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
