You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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