Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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