yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
