God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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