i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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