My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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