On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
