Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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