she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
