He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
