I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
A+ Viking dick
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
