My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
