you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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