dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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