paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
