Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
