bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
