All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so let's talk penis.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
