I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
