i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i drank out of a bidet.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
