Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
