Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize