i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
