Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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