I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
