you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
