So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
