i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
