two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
