The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
