bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
