I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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