Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
