she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
