Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I AM VODKA MAN
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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