I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize