thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
