if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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