sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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