was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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