i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
