I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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