He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
