All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
