could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
