I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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