see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
