OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
