hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I could make wine with my vomit
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
how drunk are you?
Several
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
