I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
