I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
