break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When are your genitals available?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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