The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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