just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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