i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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