I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
