You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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