never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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