just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
