So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
