I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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