if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
