I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
