and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You were trust falling into bushes
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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