I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He shit in the fireplace
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize