Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
