FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
