just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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