I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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