I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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