How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
