The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
