dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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