That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
