I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
