he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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