you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
