Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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