...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
