Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
