Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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