'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
