We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
