roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
