Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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