We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
